Can’t believe it’s only day two of #NaNoWriMo2016 and already I’m staring down the barrel of failure.
I’m meant to be posting every day, but today I got nothing! I’m having a bad mental health (MH) day/week/month. I won’t apologise for that, it’s beyond my control. Yes, I would dearly love to feel differently. No, no I can’t. No, not even if I just … try.
So I shan’t be painting a brace face on and pretending all is well. Instead I will just tell you I’m not having the best MH day and hopefully you’ll understand.
It’s my brain, you see. Specifically the left side. Apparently (and this stuff is documented, this isn’t my left half in action!) the left sides of our brains are prone to making up stories. Putting two and two together and coming up with three thousand six hundred and twenty five. Looking for the worse possible scenario in any given situation and then dreaming up something far far worse.
It’s catastrophising. It’s damaging. It’s wearing. And I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
Who wants a brain where 50% of it is hellbent on making you feel inadequate, unloved, useless and not worthy?
Don’t get me wrong. This isn’t going on all day every day by any stretch – and now I understand more about this amazing talent for bullshit my brain has, I put up with it a lot less! I fight back with evidence and reason. Mostly.
As ever, I am a work in progress.