So in recent months I have become a little obsessed with bullet journalling … or BuJo as it is popularly known. Shudder. Not a term I particularly care for.
Anyway. I had heard of BJ (no that’s not going to work either …) bullet journalling and had a vague idea of what it was all about but no real understanding. And then I read this brilliant post by the lovely Mrs & Mrs Lander-Shafik and that was it. I was entranced.
I joined FaceBook groups, followed Instagram accounts, spent hours and hours poring over wonderful spreads and designs. Hunted high and low for the elusive dotted 1917 notebook which I knew existed but had never happened upon, no matter how many stationery shops I frequented, running my fingers along the spines of all the books like a vampire in search of a vein.
(Let’s just pretend that there aren’t hundreds of 1917s available on eBay and Amazon, that could be delivered to me tomorrow via Amazon Prime. No. I don’t want it tomorrow. I want it now. In my hands.)
But here’s the thing. The deeper I delved into all these amazing designs and wonderful layouts, trackers, collections, dailies, weeklies, monthlies … the more I hated my own poxy efforts.
Which is weird. Because up until this very evening, I hadn’t actually started my journal. I was so sure that compared to everyone else’s, mine would be sadly lacking, that I didn’t even try. BECAUSE I KNEW IT WAS GOING TO BE SHIT. (As if somehow there was going to be some sort of side by side comparison going on)
I even told my friend Sophie (who was also just dipping her toes into the multi coloured waters of bullet journalling at the same time as me – only she actually had started) “I haven’t put pen to paper and already I hate my journal”.
And still I eyed up everyone else’s journals online. And I was always ‘not quite ready’.
Because I knew it wouldn’t be right. It wouldn’t be good enough. The reality would not equal what I could see in my mind’s eye.
Because I’m the Queen of Procrastination. (Or at least I probably will be tomorrow, or more likely next week sometime…)
And then last weekend I went to another wonderful workshop, hosted by Liz Goodchild where one of the things I learnt was that procrastination is just another word for perfectionism.
That was a real lightbulb moment for me. All these years I thought I had been putting things off for a multitude of reasons when actually it all boils down to perfectionism. Or in my case, I think, fear of not being good enough.
The weird thing is, I’m not the kind of person who gives a fuck of what other people think of me. Really. I do me and if you don’t like it, don’t look. So why am I concerned about being judged and potentially found wanting? Who is going to judge me?
Well. Me. I am. And therein lies the problem and the solution. I need to stop giving a fuck about what I think too. At least some of the time.
As we established yesterday, at least half my brain is an asshole for a good proportion of the time. I need to start saying “fuck that!” to myself more often.
With that in mind …. tah-dahhh! Here is my first bullet journal monthly spread. It’s not finished but at least it’s started. So that’s progress.
Tomorrow I’ll show you more of my journal – which was gifted to me by a wonderful stationery company – but for now, I’m off to think about what I want to track during November – starting with #NaNoWriMo2016.
Bye for now!